The Misunderstandings of the English Language

Everyone deals with misunderstanding. It’s the way the world works. It’s what creates humour and diversity. There’s a famous saying:

“To know another language is to possess a second soul.” -Chamberlayne.

Each language is so unique and so carefully crafted with its own sense of humour and respect that it’s as if alive. Even the same language can be so diverse that it’s almost like speaking foreign. I’m talking about British and American English. It’s the same language: English. Yet these two cultures differ so much that sometimes it seems to me as if I’m speaking foreign when setting foot to England. British English is much more downplayed, with witty understatements and sarcasm. American English, on the other hand, is much more bubbling with positivity. In America, everyone aims for success. “Be the best, the next president, whatever it is you want! As long as you work for it!” The British on the other hand almost expect failure to come knocking on their doorsteps.

Americans are an open book. They aren’t afraid to say what they mean and they make sure the world knows how they feel. Brits are the opposite. Their language is very indirect, with what they mean being the opposite of what they say. When an American says “That’s quite good.” They mean exactly that: It’s good. When a Brit says “That’s quite good.” They mean the opposite: That was disappointing, or not so good. Yet when a Brit says “Not bad.” It means: That’s good! The rest of the world would think that something was done poorly. The British have a language full of codes that can only be deciphered by the most knowledgeable in the British field! It’s a task almost impossible.

Of course, this leads to many misunderstandings. There is this story I once heard. A British and American dramaturg was talking. The American tells the Brit: “Oh The play will be such a bomb!” The Brit instantly decides to shut the whole play down. What the American meant to say was: “Wow this is amazing.” But the British translation was: “Wow this was downright awful.” The same word yet a whole different meaning.

Another funny word that is an unlikely mix up, although it does happen is ‘restroom’. I once heard that a girl and her family went to visit England for the first time where they stayed at a hotel. “Where is the restroom here?” the girl asked. The hotel manager shows her to the restroom (a.k.a the lounge.) “Oh no, I mean the restroom!” she says. “Yes, this is the restroom, you can rest all you want!” Says the manager. It finally dawns on both of them that what the other meant. To ‘fix’ this miscommunication, the manager tries for some friendly small talk, “How did you find the Tower of London?” Finding this question a bit strange, but not thinking much of it the girl answers, “Well I asked some people for help and had a map so it wasn’t too hard to find. Of course, this gets the American a weird look by the Brit…

These stories all show the huge miscommunications that can occur in the same language! It’s almost alien in so many ways, although the same language.

American English seems to be very specific whilst British English seems to be quite broad. But sometimes the specificity of things almost seems excessive. What the British call: ‘Horse riding’, Americans call: ‘Horseback riding.’ Why complicate your life like that?! Don’t Americans understand what it means to ride a horse?. Americans must have thought horse riding is a term much too general for the public use, so they thought, “why don’t we specify it to horseback riding so that people know that you ride a horse on it’s back.” Or the term ‘direct debit’ nice and easy word to use. Simple. Yet the Americans decided to complicate it by calling it: ‘Pre-authorized payment.’ I’ll admit, it sounds more professional but it’s excessively long.

The Brits have their own share of craziness. Their terms, on the other hand, are way too broad. They probably tried to be original and better and so thought, “why don’t we make words with opposite meaning and to add on to that confusion, let’s make hugely vague terms.” For example, why do Brits call an eraser ‘rubber.’ Yes, an eraser is made out of rubber but so are boots, raincoats and much more. Gloves are made out of rubber. Do you call them a rubber? No! You call them gloves. Tires are made from rubber. Are those called rubbers? No, they are called tires. So why the heck are erasers called rubbers? Or terms such as braces. Naturally, all I think of is the braces that a dentist would use. But the British decided to confuse everyone by letting braces mean suspenders. Oh and to confuse things further they decided to make suspenders mean a garter belt. Maybe they just did that for the fun of it!

Or the Brits have terms which are the opposite of the American ones. Like a frown. Naturally, a frown sounds ugly and is ugly. It’s an ugly face. A FROWN. Yet for the Brits, it’s a happy face. Now to the rest of the world, a happy face is called a…wait for it, (drumroooll) A SMILE! Yes a smile, you heard me right! So why in the world would a frown be called a smile?

Or calling a pacifier a dummy? Where did that come from?! Are you calling your kids dumb? I can’t imagine anyone saying, “Why don’t you dummy the child down honey, will you?” Or the Brits like to call ketchup: tomato sauce. Or why call a ladybug a ladybird? Is it a bird? No. Yes I admit, it has wings, but no it’s not a bird. Or why call a ‘lady’ a ‘bird’? I can’t imagine any lady feeling all too great being called that. Just imagine A handsome guy walks by and says “Why you are such a beautiful bird.” “Oh yes thank you the lady says, utterly flattered.” All I can imagine is someone telling me “oh you look like a fat chicken ready to be plucked.” It’s almost as bad as calling a lady a cow.

On the other hand, I have to admit, The Brits have a much better word for the game that uses feet to kick a ball. What’s the word…oh yes, soccer. Sorry, nevermind I meant football. Yes football NOT soccer. You don’t play it with your socks. Logically, you play it with your feet. I can’t imagine Ronaldo or Messi suddenly saying “Oh why don’t we play soccer with only our socks since that’s the politically correct way to do it according to the definition.” No! Because it’s a bunch of bullocks! Of course, the Americans had to be original and so decided to ‘invent’ American football. How original! Yes taking a name the British invented and using it for something else, to look special. Cause it makes so much sense tossing a ball with your hands and calling it FOOTball. The Americans get an A+ for that!

But at the end of the day, even with its huge differences and absurdities, it is, in fact, the same language: English. So y’all should keep calm and carry on.